10 Ways To Stay Friends With Your Ex

March 25, 2011 10:01 am

Whether it is a good breakup or a nasty breakup, people tend to want to stay friends with their exes. While it’s not always a good thing, it certainly is always a difficult thing. Figuring out the tricks to make it work is even harder. Luckily, we have made it easier for you by giving some helpful hints on staying friends with you ex.

Follow these tips below for a (hopefully) drama-free friendship:

10. Figure out why you want to be friends

It’s important to take a step back and weigh the pros and cons of this friendship actually working. Sometimes the reason you want to stay friends isn’t really healthy: You want some sort of validation for all the years you put into the relationship, or you think it’ll make you feel less guilty about moving on, or you’re still hung up on the girl/guy.

9. Talk about neutral topics

If you happen to see him/her, just say hello and ask her about his/her family or work life. Especially if you know that bringing up topics from your relationship will cause tension, just stick to neutral, easy topics.

8. Factor in why (and how) you broke up

Sometimes you can be friends — eventually. But when the wound of a tough breakup is still fresh, the last thing you need is to try to be nice to the person who hurt you. And if you’re the one who broke a heart, don’t expect your guy/girl to want to pal around. If the situation is less dramatic, though, the friendship can often pick up fairly soon.

7. Be up front with your feelings — and make sure he is, too

Becoming ‘just friends’ with an ex is a complicated situation, especially when one of you is still carrying a torch for the lost love. You need to be upfront about your feelings from the start. Do not hide them until they build up inside you and completely backfire.

6. Stay calm and relaxed

Don’t tense up or freak out! Do not be nervous around your ex every time you see them after the breakup. Also, if they have moved on and found a significant other, relax! You can find someone else too. If you are truly friends, you both should be happy for each other that you have found someone else to make you happy.

5. Just treat them like a normal friend

Let them know there’s no hard feelings. There is no need to feel awkward if you both have moved past the relationship and truly want to just remain friends. Treat him/her like you would any other friend. Have fun with them, and don’t feel the need to put on a front.

4. Think of him/her in a different way

Let go and allow yourself to start thinking of him/her in a new light that is separate from the concept of you and him/her together. If you think of the person the same way you did while you were dating, it will cause awkwardness and tensions. Also, past feelings may resurface. You don’t want to open that can of worms.

3. Don’t try to talk to them all the time

It looks obviously desperate. If you are putting way more effort into the friendship than the other person, you look needy. Being needy is not going to help the friendship blossom at all. Give them enough attention to know that you have moved on from the past and are willing to be friends, but do not put in so much that you look desperate.

2. If they try to hurt you, just drop out of it

There’s no point in trying to be friends with someone who just makes you feel bad. If you find yourself constantly hurt, even after the relationship is over, than end it. If he/she is bringing up things from the past or insulting you purposely to make you feel bad about yourself, realize you can do better than that and move on.

1. Remember that you don’t need to remain friends with them

Sometimes it is best for both parties to not remain friends, which is perfectly fine. Don’t feel like you are forced to make things work after the split. If you two were meant to be friends, it shouldn’t be difficult or awkward. If it turns out that way, it’s time to let them go.