It’s Not You, It’s Him: An Empowering Twist on the Classic Breakup Line
It’s Friday afternoon, you just got off work and the glorious realization that it’s finally the weekend has possessed your body. You go home and wind down with some re-runs of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” while using the treadmill and anxiously awaiting your boyfriend’s call to make date night plans. You hop off the ‘mill and just like clockwork, your phone rings and the caller ID displays Jeremyyy <3. However, this wasn’t the call you were expecting. You’ve been dating Jeremyyy <3 for a year now, and you could tell the tone in his voice when you picked up the phone was off. Sure enough your female intuition was spot on, and this particular conversation began with “we need to talk” and ended shortly with “it’s not you, it’s me.”
Congratulations. You’ve just been dumped. Now here you are, trying to count the number of times you’ve heard the cliché phrase: “it’s not you, it’s me.” The tally totals six times in three years. Rather impressive.
But before you drown yourself in a sea of chocolate and “Casa Blanca,” take a deep breath and think about the phrase a little harder. Don’t just blow it off as the stereotypical male response for letting a girl down easy. Instead, believe him and move on. Yes, easier said than done, but if a guy says “it’s not you, it’s me,” the root of the issue seriously is him. Don’t think about ways to change yourself because you got dumped. He is simply not the perfect guy for you. The perfect guy will love you for all your faults. It really is that simple.
Before you run off and make a list of all the possible reasons he dumped you, I challenge you to identify your inbound critiques and redirect those thoughts to him. Try it:
|I’m too fat; I don’t look good in a bikini.||He likes girls who are too skinny; he has been brain washed by Sports Illustrated.|
|I talk too much.||He is too quiet.|
|I’m psycho.||He has a perverted definition of normalcy.|
|My family is too much to handle.||He’s not man enough to handle my ridiculously awesome family.|
|I’m a chronic drunk texter.||He lacks a sense of humor; that text I sent saying "look at this bitch" with a photo of my dog was hilarious.|
|My boobs are too small.||He likes boobs that are too big.|
|I lost his favorite leather jacket.||He was too obsessed with that heinous leather jacket that smelled like cigarettes.|
|I have tattoos.||He is intolerant of self-expression.|
|I’m too obsessed with Justin Bieber.||He is incapable of appreciating raw talent when it smacks him in the face with a copy of “Never Say Never.”|
|I can’t dance.||He can’t dance.|
|My face masks creep him out.||He clearly wants a girl with an un-moisturized, dull complexion.|
|I sleep in too late.||He wakes up too early; he does not respect my need for beauty sleep.|
|I hate his dog.||His dog is the most disgusting, slobbery, fat, repulsive, smelly animal I have ever laid eyes on.|
|I’m not funny||His sense of humor sucks.|
|I leave my dirty laundry all over the place.||He is obsessive compulsive.|
|I’m too sensitive/emotional.||He has no soul; seriously, who doesn’t cry during “The Biggest Loser?!”|
I hope it’s clear now that you are (probably) not the problem. There’s no need to drastically change who you are and get a boob job, take dance lessons, or quit drinking for eternity. The perfect man for you — the one you’re really meant to be with — will love your A32’s, accept that your only dance move is “the lawn mower,” and will appreciate every last jumbled love confession you send via text after midnight. Because at the end of the day, it’s not you, it’s HIM.