20 Things A Man Should Never Say To A Woman

June 11, 2012 6:15 pm

I have ground shaking information that will disprove years of Men’s Health Magazine research: women are not inherently emotional. I know, I know… tough to fathom. But in truth, it’s 20 simple phrases men say that cause women’s inner psycho to emerge. Thus, if you want your woman to be easy to deal with, it’s in your control. All you have to do is never, EVER say the following 20 things:

20.) “I have slept with 25 girls.”
This isn’t going to make me think you are a god in the bedroom. It’s going to make me think you have a disease.

19.) “Nice biceps!”
You may think that’s a killer compliment, I think you just told me I look like a tranny. Literally compliment ANY other part of my body to make me feel sexy and feminine, not like a roid-head.

18.) “Bitch”
Oh no you didn’t… Now I AM going to become one.

17.) “Can I kiss you?”
What you’re really saying is, “Can I kill the mood?”

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16.) “How cute!”
I really don’t care if that kitten is the fuzziest, most adorable creature on the universe; this is one adjective you are not allowed to use. I want to date a man, not a cheek-pinching grandma. Also, pick ANY OTHER word to describe my stunning appearance: breathtaking, sexy, gorgeous, elegant, striking, etc. I’m a mature, sophisticated woman! I was “cute” when I was five.

15.) “No offense.”
I can guarantee with 105% assurance that whatever you just said offended me.

14.) “I like World of Warcraft.”
Because anyone who “likes” World of Warcraft is completely addicted. If you play this game, you play through all hours of the night, you use gamer jargon, and you sit in front of your computer in underwear while eating cereal.

13.) “Can you make me a sandwich?”
Sure! Then I’ll use the knife I spread the mayo with to stab you.

12.) “K.”
Just this one, teensy letter of the alphabet has the ultimate ability to bring out women’s inner psycho like nothing else. God forbid this is a response to one of our text messages—instantly, we’ll start analyzing if you’re purposely trying to end our conversation, if you’re annoyed, or completely uninterested. No good can come from “k.”

11.) “My ex…”
Yeah, I could seriously care less that your dad really liked her.

10.) “Your friend is annoying.”
And so is complaining. If I was friends with her before you came around, I’m going to be friends with her when you’re gone.

9.) “What did you do to your hair?”
I don’t have a personal stylist and six free hours in a day to make my hair look like I should be in a Pantene commercial. The day I have a bad hair day (which WILL be inevitable) should coincidentally be the same day you are having problems with your eyesight. You do NOT notice it.

8.) “Megan Fox is sooo hot.”

7.) “Ryan Gosling isn’t that hot.“
Hahaha, yeah he is.

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6.) “Why are you dressed so nicely?”
Because I prefer NOT to wear clothes with holes in them that haven’t been washed in two weeks like you do?

5.) “You’re like a sister to me.”
So you make out with your sister too? Freak.

4.) “Is it that time of the month?”
Nah bro, but it’s time for you to get outta my house.

3.) “I don’t know/care.”
What do you want for dinner? Which dress do you like better? What movie do you want to see? YOU HAVE AN ANSWER FOR ALL OF THESE. Why do you act like you don’t?

2.) “You’re seriously still hungry?”
Yes. And your point is…?

1.) Nothing.
If you don’t say anything, I’ll probably assume the worst. If you’re silent when I come out of the dressing room with a new outfit on—you hate it. If you don’t utter a word after I say I love you—you hate me. If you refuse to discuss your emotions ever—you have no soul.

So there you have it! If you want your woman to be cool, calm, and collected it’s up to you. Just don’t say these 20 things and it will be no effort at all to deal with your girl—it’s really that easy.

Let us know if you agree in the comment section below.


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