10 Best Lines From ‘Mixology’

April 9, 2014 9:59 pm

On this week’s Mixology, Bruce and Fab made an unlikely pair.

Although Bruce (Andrew Santino) has been hitting on her longtime friend Jessica (Alexis Carra), he does break off with Fab for a slice of pizza … and some flirty conversation.

But which friend will he end up with? Tune in to Mixology every Wednesday at 9:30/8:30c on ABC to see how everything unfolds!

Check out the 10 funniest one-liners from the fourth episode: 

“I’m so thirsty. Do you think it’s safe to drink the water in the bathroom?” — Tom, after Kacey has been ignoring them

“Short bald guys always want to fight. The two most important things a man must have in life is height and hair.” — Bruce to Cal after he defended Kacey against rude bald men

“I’ve already cast my line, I can’t stop mid-flow.” — Ron to one of the angry bald guys at the urinal

“Yeah, it landed cheese-side up.” — Bruce, explaining why he ate pizza that fell on the floor

“You look like a bag of oranges that have been left out too long.” — Fab to redheaded Bruce

“Oh my god, did I just murder someone?” — Tom after he accidentally knocks over one of the mean bald guys

“Every year you get a little bit older and more desperate. And one day you’ll be be begging to hook up with something as gross as this.” — Bruce to Fab after she turns him down

“I get into fights all the time. Sometimes I’ll just walk up to strangers at he post office and beat their ass. You’ve heard of ‘going postal’ … I arrive ‘postal.'” — Tom to two girls who are turned on by him fighting the bald guy

“For a long time Bruce’s most embarrassing hookup was a sexy librarian, except she wasn’t sexy. She was just a regular librarian.” — voiceover about Bruce

“On the fourth hand, I’ve crossed some pretty serious lines tonight.” — Liv after going over “on one hand” and “on second hand”